Meet the parents....another disaster for singlehood

It has been ages since I last wrote...only coz I have been out of town where internet access was not very convenient

Another 3 months have gone by and how far have I progressed in attempting to change my marital status from Single to In a Relationship / Engaged / Married....Hardly!!

Again, not for not trying...infact I gave this a serious 5 weeks and probably tried too hard - the result....NOTHING!

So here's the story....case by case

Warning : Please keep a bucket handy as you read below since the details can be emotionally disturbing.

Case 1

Born and brought up in good ol India...lost his only sibling in an accident a few years ago. Currently put up in an African nation. Has had a short employment stint in Dubai before he moved to the African continent.

We got introduced through the guy’s aunt. A very close family friend of the guy met me in Dubai before she left for vacationing in India and gave the guy’s parents an extremely good feedback on me…which was necessary in order for them to proceed further. (You may use a bucket to puke into….please replace for further reading)

I and the guy were then asked to start communicating with each other – via omnipresent msn messenger. Our first chat session resulted in me trying hard to find a topic of common interest and the guy watching an old re-run cricket match on TV. And when I attempt asking him generic questions such as – what are your likes and dislikes – the response is…“let us take this slow, we have enough time to get to know each other. This is the first chat between us anyways…” (Puke again and replace bucket)
Question: So what exactly should we be doing during our first chat besides being online?!

I tell my parents this is not working…they push me on telling me to try some more….Being the lovely daughter that I am, I continue with my attempts.
I ask the guy for his contact number – so as to put a voice to the face and know if he is worthwhile….Oh and the pic I was given was ‘not recent’

So, this is what happens…
I ask the guy for his contact number, he gives it to me. That’s it….nothing after that. I ask him if he wants my number. He obviously replies ‘yes’. I ask him how come he didn’t ask for it…he replies “Yaar I knew you would give it to me anyways” I ask him what if I wouldn’t have, he replies – “then I would have asked you or you would have called” (Puke again and replace bucket)

This scenario continues with us communicating another 2 times over the phone and almost never over poor ol msn messenger

Now Scene two….I arrive in Mumbai and its time to ‘Meet the Parents’
We are contacted by the aunt and she says the parents would like to meet us at a certain restaurant at 8pm. We are worried….its a dinner invite?! What if it doesn’t work out…we’ll have to sit through dinner with each other. The ‘We’ is supposedly, myself, my mom, my bro and the guy’s parents and aunt. Yes, the guy’s not coming coz he’s not in India yet.

So, like the nice people I think we are we go to the designated place. And BAM! We are hit by an entourage of wedding-goers. All dressed up sitting on a dinner table before us are – the guy’s mom, dad, aunt 1, aunt 2, aunt 3, and uncle. (Puke again and replace bucket)

The dinner goes alrite, with the mom asking me if the guy has told me about XYZ and ABC during our conversations…I try hard to resist asking – what conversations?
However, overall verdict - lovely family.

During the dinner the parents also show us a ‘latest’ pic of the guy. When I see it I recoil as I remember getting this pic in my inbox and deleting it coz I found it unappealing. Nooo….that is the same guy?!!

If you thought that was the end of it you are wrong! God has some more jokes to play on me…the story continues…

The guy’s ‘family’ discusses ‘me’ and decides to give the go ahead. They do this by insisting we visit their house at that very moment since the guy’s granny is also around and would love to meet me….(Puke again and replace bucket ALSO Sip on water and avoid food for further reading)

On the way, we have the guy’s aunt and mom with us, so that hardly gives us time to communicate with each other (within my family only) about the guy.

Once we enter their building compound, I am directed to where the club house is, followed by the question – do you swim? As I reply in the affirmative, the point I realize is that they have a swimming pool.

As we go towards the elevators, the aunt asks me “You do wear jeans na?” (Puke! Puke! Puke!) I forgot to mention I was in ethnic ‘salwar kameez’ but for god’s sake…I have been brought up in the UAE…spent all my life in a very modern and cosmopolitan country…I refrain from telling the dear lady bout my skirts incase its a tad too much for her heart to take!

We then enter the house…Nice and modest…but with everything typically covered in crochet. The grand mother sees me and smiles…like one would to a daughter-in-law post marriage…I fear the worst! I am the shown around the house…first the kitchen, where I am explained that they have a cook so nothing to worry about there and then the guy’s room. This is the worst moment ever…..His family is surrounding me and smiling warmly as I am trying to find my way out of the room…….Nooooooooooo!!!!!!!! (Puke! Puke! Puke!)

We then head back to the seating area…again surrounded by everybody!!! Me and my poor mom and bro are then forced to have sweets (a sign in our tradition that the ‘rishta’ alliance has been ‘fixed’) We struggle to get out…

As we leave the guy’s aunt – who introduced us – insists I call the guy the same nite and tell him how much I liked his family. She mentions that he knows we are meeting today and would be awaiting the call. I think…..Why doesn’t he call?!
Hence, I DON’T call him….Whew!

Next morning…the same aunt calls and says time for an official engagement……my family is SHOCKED! We havnt even met the guy for God’s sake!!! But this dear woman has thought of it all – She suggests I wear the engagement ring in front of the guy’s PHOTOGRAPH!

That was the end of it……………………………Thank god!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’d rather be single for the rest of my life than spend it with a photograph which I don’t like too much either…

Vacation diaries....

I am not even sure if 'Euphoria' would be the best word to describe this feeling...I am feeling so liberated!

Getting up in the morning with no thoughts or plans of what I will be doing for the rest of the day. Seems like ages since I last experienced this feeling. A vacation is just the thing that I needed to have a wider perspective on an otherwise fast paced life.

This break has put me in a parallel universe. The best moments of my day are sitting in the picture window of Tim Horton’s on a busy interchange watching people walking by. It’s even more interesting when I start to build stories around these people I don’t even know. The length of the strides, the speed at which they walk, the way they are dressed....gosh, I never actually realized that just picking up some physical ques on people could be so 'giving away'.

My typical day starts with my lovely bhabhi’s note on the dining table which begins with her 'Good morning' and a list of stuff in the kitchen for me to have as breakfast and lunch.
Once I have made the bed and taken my shower, etc... Its time to attend to the phone calls. First bhabhi (sis in law) and then bhaiya (bro) asking me what I plan to do and when I am clueless (trust me...its an amazing feeling to not know what to do) they give me suggestions and directions.

Then its my cousin sis - Neha calling to check my plans for the day...if she’s free we catch up if not I jus go mall walking by myself.

Now mall-walking might sound silly but it’s something that is addictive. Being an impulsive shopoholic by nature it is quite a refreshing change to be browsing in stores and looking for bargains...And why haven’t I don’t this before? Simply coz I never thought I could appreciate shopping at leisure by myself as much as I actually am! Anways, this I what I do most of the morning and noon. And to make things better the 'subway' and 'street car' in Toronto is extremely user-friendly.

Mid-noon is when my other cousin sis - Megha calls on check on how I am doing. This is the reminder I need to check the time. Interestingly I have stopped wearing a watch or frequently checking my mobile for the time - which is again a new experience which I am loving to bits... :)

Anyways, once I have checked the time, I walk down to the subway and catch a train back home. I then go home, have a nice TV lunch and laze around for a bit.
At 3.30pm I walk down to pick up my adorable darling nephew. Although there is a street car that takes me straight to his day school I choose to walk coz a) the weather is beautiful b) you rarely get such opportunities in Dubai c) its healthier d) it helps me enjoy the surroundings...

Picking Viren up at 4pm is such a treat. The kid is so full of energy 24/7. We head towards the bus-stop from where we catch a bus towards home and although it’s just a 2 min walk he has already told me of what he has eaten and done the whole day. This is then followed by the details of what each of his friends (yes he already has a group of his own and he is only 4) have been up to during the day. Once we get home its snack time and aunt-nephew party time till 5.30. That’s when my bro and bhabs get home.

Gosh, I never thought being on a vacation doing NOTHING would be so gratifying!
Oh! And another achievement - my cousin has finally managed to get me to appreciate martinis. Although she feels I still have them too mild (alcohol is equivalent to that in a breezer) I feel it’s quite an achievement :)

Spending time with the family, shopping and traveling are the high points of this vacation. Add to this the fact that I can’t access office mails...Yippy!!!

Now the problem is.....i am already getting nostalgic about going back to Dubai....

I’m sure this is not very commonly heard of - I don’t want to go home!!

The noise in my head...

It has been 3 months since I turned 25 and my parents already think this to be the end. And why? Just because I’m still single

How do I explain to them that I’m not against getting married…its just that I cant bring myself to getting married to just about anyone?!

I have given this a genuine attempt. And every time it doesn’t go well, my parents remind me again that ‘you have to compromise’

Yes…I know I have to. But how much? That’s the question that I still haven’t found an answer to.

I have considered guys who have been not so good looking and so unimpressive yet only coz they score well on the rest of the check-list. I have even met guys who have been slacking in terms of educational background. Then there have been some that have literally made me think is this a plot to establish silence in my life since I wouldn’t have much to talk to this guy if I married him.

And when you finally come across a guy who you think is smart, intelligent and educated with the rest in place…you realize he’s not the right height! Ouch!

It’s easy for the family to sit outside the maze and urge you on saying your not trying enough. But what when the maze starts to swallow you? The longer you take to get out the faster its closes on you…

I have gone through days in the past when I asked myself ‘Why me?’ That was when I was so self-obsessed with the concern for myself that I didn’t notice others around me.

But now when I have opened my eyes, I see every other friend of mine is going through the same phase.

So is it still a case of being ‘too demanding’ and ‘uncompromising’ or just that there really aren’t any great guys out there….